Thursday, August 12, 2010

S**t my dad says



So there's a mildly hilarious blog, book, and soon to be tv show I believe called Sh*t My Dad Says. And I don't mean to sound like I am "poo pooing" it. It is actually quite funny, in a vulgar, mean sort of way. But honestly, my dad is cooler. Why? Cuz that dude knows how to write a sentence! Which is why I've decided to record some of the stuff my dad says, which, for completely opposite reasons as Justin Halpern's father's comments, are just as provoking...

"I'm working on a unit of measurement based loosely on the notion of how long a person who is 20% over the national weight could run before collapsing. In fact, I'm calling it the keel factor."

"We're told we'll even get to meet some of the appraisers. No appraisals at the reception, though, so don't ask me to slip them your old Apple IIC. "

"Adulthood brings with it a variety of challenges . . . teenage children, mortgages and sleepless to name a few."

"To normal people, that doesn't mean much. But to Iowans, heat index is a sweaty, red exclamation point to what would otherwise be just another ungodly hot day."

"Yesterday was one of those all good news days, when the world opens its windows to your breeze."

"Cleaned the car at the quarter- wash on Grand -- but it cost me twice what it should have. I mistakenly loaded up the stall next to me before seeing the error of my ways."

"As the angry right continues to influence more of the political conversation, sucking even moderates like McCain and Lindsey Graham into it's turbulent wake, I'm amazed at the level of inhumanity and incivility the rest of us now practice and accept. "

"Is there anyone, Republican or Democrat, unhappy to see this hate-monger flailing to keep his political ambitions alive like a roach in water? "

"Read on. Have a drool cloth handy . . . "

"I've come to understand that by breaking life into its nano elements, pixels, and digi-bytes, computers are largely responsible for society's fragmentation. "

"Alexis, you have beefy arms."

"Alexis, the grease on your forehead looks like a third eye."

"Let's went."

This list could honestly go on and on, as I'm sure Justin's could about his 74 year old father too. But my dad's is droning for a slightly less comic reason: it's truth. It's to the point, flourished, but not at all flowery, my dad says it like he sees it, only better than your dad. And I'm willing to bet on that.

The guy is funny.

So in honor of my dad's meditations on life, I challenge everyone today reading (not including my dad) to write a mission statement, be it for their resume or their life. I've got mine, do you?

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