I been feeling a little dry of inspiration or creativity or worthy-of-blogging-about.
Something I was thinking about as I walked home from ballet class at the Joffrey on Tuesday night (the teacher told me I was flexible--oh ya!) was on the subject of why I'm glad to be 22. Or more specifically, why I'm glad I'm not 19 any more. I know I know, 3 years difference, big deal. But looking back, 3 years ago I was such a different person, much more flighty, and I let people treat me like crap. Not to get all after-school-special on you, but I think it was in my lack of confidence, my lack of faith that everything will work out OK and that it's OK to say goodbye.
Example: I used to put up with a lot of stupid crap from boys and girlfriends. Most of the kind of stuff I'm talking about I'm too embarrassed to write even here, but believe me, it was bad. Just really crappy, hurtful things. But really, I can't blame anyone, because I let them do it to me. And I don't think it's because I thought I deserved it. I think I did that because I thought I was supposed to. I was supposed to be their punching bags and that was why I was in their lives.
Flash-forward to 2011 and my belief system is still the same, only the beliefs that make it up are much different. While I still think that people are in our lives for a reason, I've also realized that if a person makes you feel bad more than they make you feel good, God must have gotten busy with something else and forgotten to remove this person from your Stage (I have a vision of God as a gay director with a skinny mustache and red beret, ordering people stage left and stage right, drawing the curtains, etc). And so, in the interest of time, politely call a "CUT!" stop the show momentarily, and kick that person off of your Play Bill.
I did it. I did. I think some think I did it for other reasons, but I know in my heart why. It's simple math: more bad than good equals no good which is equal to good-bye. And off I went, onto a life much more fulfilling, relaxing, and un-dramatic.
Easier said than done of course, but if life is a play, with a certain amount of time, a budget, and an audience and critics to please, so why waste your time with crummy actors and a repeated dramatic story line? While some things are out of our control, not everything is. And just because you intervene with "The Plans" doesn't mean you don't learn a divine lesson. It simply means you're still the main character.